Books That Heal Kids: apologize

Showing posts with label apologize. Show all posts
Showing posts with label apologize. Show all posts

Book Review: Rita and Ralph's Rotten Day

Author: Carmen Agra Deedy
Illustrator: Pete Oswald

From the Book Jacket: 
In two little houses,
on two little hills, lived two best friends
 
So begins the story of Rita and Ralph. Every day they meet to play beneath the apple tree. It's always fun and games - until one roundly rotten day when a new game means someone ends up crying. Who knew it could be so hard to say "I'm sorry"? Just when it seems nothing will ever be right again, a surprising thing happens. The old friends try something new, that isn't new at all. Something they've done a hundred times. 

Why It's On My Bookshelf: I teach a lot of conflict resolution and problem solving to students so I was so excited to come across this book. This one will be helpful to teach the art of the apology. It's a great story to teach the size of the problem and sincere apologies. Love this one!

A Link to This Book: 
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Book Review: Way Past Mad

Author: Hallee Adelman
Illustrator: Sandra de la Prada

From the Book Jacket: Keya is mad. Way past mad. The kind of mad that starts and swells and spreads like a rash. She kicks rocks and yells at her best friend and says things that hurt. Now Keya doesn't like what her mad made her do. Can she find a way past mad?

Why It's On My Bookshelf: Keya is so upset that on the way to school she takes it out on her friend Hooper. This hurts his feelings and he walks away from her. She immediately realizes how her hurt has now hurt him. Running after him she is determined to apologize and tell him why she was really upset. I loved this book because when our anger hurts people, we have the power to make it better. I highly recommend this awesome resource!

A Link to This Book: 



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Book Review: Draw the Line




Author/Illustrator: Kathryn Otoshi

From the Book Jacket: When two boys draw their own lines and realize they can connect them - magic happens! But then a misstep causes their lines to get crossed. Push! Pull! Tug! Yank! Soon their line unravels into a tug-of-war. With a growing rift between them, will the boys ever find a way to come together again? This is a wordless picture book about friendship, boundaries, and healing after conflict. 

Why It's On My Bookshelf: I often feel like I go through cycles as a school counselor as the CONSTANT problem solver with kid conflict. It is not my favorite thing! My hope this year is to be more proactive in giving kids the tools and skills they need to solve their own issues that don't require adult help. I needed a book that is not too long and will give me enough time in my lesson to work on conflict resolution steps. Also, because this story is wordless it allows us to create our own plan to make amends in friendships. I love the illustration of the large crack in the ground between the boys. I think it's a great metaphor and a discussion starter on how to fix our friendship cracks. Another positive was I needed more books with boys in it. I like to see a representation of everyone on my bookshelf. Excited to add this one to my library and hoping it helps lessen my time spent doing all the problem solving. 

A Link to This Book:


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Book Review: Horrible Bear!

Author: Ame Dyckman
Illustrator: Zachariah OHora

From the Book Jacket: Bear didn't mean to break the girl's kite. But she's upset anyway. Upset enough to shout: HORRIBLE BEAR? Is Bear really horrible? Even the occasionally Horrible Bear in your family will laugh at this hilarious tale of accidents, outbursts, manners...and learning to say "I'm sorry."

Why It's On My Bookshelf: This is a great concrete book on what to do when we hurt someone's feelings. In Horrible Bear! when the little girl gets her feelings hurt she lashes out at bear. Later in a moment of empathy she realizes that hurting someone's feelings back is not the answer - so she apologizes. 



A Link to This Book:
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Book Review: Maple & Willow Together


Author/Illustrator: Lori Nichols
Interest Level: Ages 4 and Up

From the Book Jacket: They love playing outside throughout the whole year, welcoming the sun, rain, leaves, and snow. But it's not always sunshine and rainbows, because sometimes big sisters can be bossy - and sometimes little sisters can be frustrating - and even the best of friends need a break from each other...at least until they can no longer bear to be apart. Maple & Willow Together perfectly captures the dynamics of siblings and their ability to figure things out on their own and find a way to meet halfway. 

Why It's On My Bookshelf: I've been exploring more books involving siblings and fighting. At home we have been dealing with some arguing, hitting, and upset feelings between our kids. That's exactly what happens between Maple and Willow. The story ends with them making up and apologizing. I could tell when I read this story to my six year old daughter it was like looking into a mirror for her. After I read the last page she commented that even though she and her brother fight sometimes she still loves him. 


A Link to This Book:
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Book Review: Me, Me, Me

Author: Annika Dunklee
Illustrator: Lori Joy Smith
Interest Level: Ages 5 and Up

From the Book Jacket: Annie, Lillemor and Lilianne are best friends for many reasons, including a shared love of singing. So when their teacher announces a school talent show, Annie suggests they enter as an all-girl singing group. What fun!

But when the three girls brainstorm what song they might sing and what costumes they'll wear, Annie doesn't like any of Lilianne and Lillemor's suggestions. It's Annie's way or the highway - the whole thing was her idea, after all! Will creative differences keep the three friends apart? Or will Annie change her tune?

Why It's On My Bookshelf: I've been using this one for grades K-2 on how to be a FLEXIBLE friend. It's helpful to have a resource like this when I"m trying to help kids become aware of how their behavior is impacting their friendships. If you choose to always be the one in charge and demand things to always be your way when playing with others - you might find yourself alone. I need more books on friendship skills so I was so happy to come across this one. 

A Link to This Book and Others You Might Find Useful:
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Book Review: Little Bird's Bad Word





















Author/Illustrator: Jacob Grant
Interest Level: Ages 4 and Up

From the Book Jacket: Little Bird learned a new word! He loves it so much, he's bursting to share it with all of his friends. BLARK! The only problem is, this isn't a very nice word. Little Bird doesn't realize it, but it might even hurt someone's feelings. With the help of Papa Bird, maybe Little Bird will learn another new word - one that will make things better. 

Why It's On My Bookshelf: Lots of good lessons in this one about language and how we have the choice to be appropriate or inappropriate. Kids quickly learn there are attention getting words and they can make people feel uncomfortable, Little bird almost loses a friend over his behavior.  But the power of an apology and changing his behavior saves the friendship and he learns a big lesson. 

My daughter is learning what words are socially acceptable and she is especially starting to figure out words can trigger reactions and emotions in others. This is a nice reminder for adults - they are not only watching us but LISTENING to everything we say. (Little Bird learns the word from Papa!) This will fit into many lessons at school around kindness and community building and maybe even be part of our No-Name Calling week. I've worked with many students who are heart broken over hurtful things said to them - this is a helpful resource to stop that negative behavior. 



A Link to This Book and Others You Might Find Helpful: 


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Book Review: Peanut Butter and Jellyfish

Author/Illustrator: Jarrett Krosoczka
Interest Level: Ages 4 and Up

From the Book Jacket: Peanut Butter and Jellyfish are best of friends and swim up, down, around, and through their ocean home. Crabby is not their best friend. But when Crabby gets in trouble, will Peanut Butter and Jellyfish come to the rescue? You bet they will! This is a funny and touching story of friendships old and new, and about being brave enough to apologize. 

Why It's On My Bookshelf: This story started out like a lot of other books I have read. There is some teasing going on and the one doing the mean behavior finds himself in some danger. The two friends who were experiencing the put downs do the right thing and save him. 

But I really love what the author does to help Crabby (the bully in the story) turn his behavior around. He has him take responsibility. First there is an apology.....which I don't always see in books. 



Then Crabby admits why he was doing all the teasing.....



What makes this book so special and AWESOME is the story goes a step further and makes everything come full circle for ALL the characters. When the teasing is happening, Peanut Butter and Jellyfish do some ignoring and are very assertive. And amends are made. That's real life and these are the skills we should be teaching kids. 

A Link to This Book: 


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Book Review: The Peace Rose

 




















Written and Illustrated by Alicia Jewell
Interest Level: Ages 3 and Up

About This Book: A peace book for children ages 3 and up, introducing the skill of solving problems with the use of a peace rose. This book consists of three every-day problem-solving vignettes, modeled with clear, simple language, and contains sixteen beautiful full-color illustrations of the children involved. The Peace Rose encourages the independent and peaceful resolution of difficulties between children in a classroom, at home, or anyplace where children gather. At the end, a three page Teachers Guide helps the adult to model and encourage use of the peace rose.






Why It's On My Bookshelf: I wish I would have purchased this book a LONG LONG time ago. It's so simple and easy for children to understand. It's going to work great for teaching kids how to communicate their feelings using I-Statement language. Having kids use a rose to pass back and forth as they talk to each other is such a wonderful act of peace and friendship. And now that I have a Peace Table in my counseling room - I can help kids use this process to solve conflicts. I'm so happy about this book!

A Link to This Book:


Take a look at the Peace Table/Break Area I have been putting together this year......












Sources:
Believe You Can Sign: HERE
How Are You Feeling/Reflection/Take A Break Signs/Calming Cards: HERE
Lamp, Pillows, Blue Rug, Basket: IKEA
Sand Tray: Amazon
Only One You Puppet: Amazon
Feelings Books: I will blog about these soon!


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Book Review: Desmond and The Very Mean Word

Authors: Archbishop Desmond Tutu and 
Douglas Carlton Abrams
illustrated by A.G. Ford

From the Book Jacket: Desmond was very proud of his new bicycle. He was the only child in the whole township who had one, and he couldn't wait to show it to Father Trevor. 

When Desmond takes his new bicycle out for a ride, his pride and joy turn to hurt and anger when some boys shout a very mean word at him. No matter what he tries, Desmond can't stop thinking about what the boys said. With the wise advice of kindly Father Trevor, Desmond learns an important lesson about understanding his conflicted feelings and how to forgive.  

Based on a real-life experience from Archbishop Desmond Tutu's own childhood in South Africa, Desmond and the Very Mean Word eloquently shows a child's realization that true forgiveness comes from within and that all people deserve compassion, whether or not they say they are sorry.  

Why It's On My Bookshelf: This has been an important picture book I've been using with our fourth and fifth graders. Sometimes I'm so saddened to see how horribly mean some of them can be to each other. So when this book arrived I knew it had a message that would touch their hearts and hopefully stop the mean words. Reminding kids they can make a decision to stop a hurtful conversation and take responsibility is what this book is all about.

There is a conversation in the book between Father Trevor and Desmond that we focused on:

Father Trevor sighed. "That is the problem, Desmond. You will get them back, and they they will get you back, and soon our whole world will be filled with nothing but 'getting back.'"

And there it is! Stopping the cycle of hurt is what my students need to hear. Especially because some of them come from homes where that cycle is happening. Forgiveness is an absent thing in many of their lives. When I asked if they could define forgiveness - not many hands went up. We teach a lot about apologies but it became clear the other part of the equation needs to be put out there too.

It is never revealed what the mean word is used against Desmond. I was concerned some kids would get hung up on that. We did have a small discussion on what the mean words might have been. But what we kept coming back to was how those words can have such a damaging impact. And that's why we need forgiveness............yep!

A Link to This Book:  
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Book Review: Sneaky Weasel


Author/Illustrator: Hannah Shaw
Interest Level: Ages 5 and Up

From the Book Jacket: Weasel is sneaky, measly and very rich. When he throws a big party to show off to everyone, he can't understand why none of his guests turn up...Could it be that Weasel is bad at being a friend?

Why It's On My Bookshelf: There are kids in every class who no one wants as a partner during work time or is socially isolated. Sometimes the reason behind the exclusion often has to do with the child's negative behavior towards others. When I finished reading Sneaky Weasel, I immediately thought of those students. I work with these kiddos very closely trying to help them become self-aware of their actions. This story is perfect to address this problem. 

When no one shows up at Weasel's party he visits everyone to demand an explanation. He discovers everyone is quite upset with him because of his mistreatment of others. Weasel is pretty clueless about his hurtful ways. He realizes he must find a way to be a good friend and make up for what he has done. He sets out to earn their trust and respect through kindness, taking responsibility, and an apology. Good stuff!!

Love this new discovery. You will too. Kids are going to see themselves in this story and hopefully it will provide insight to change that stinky sneaky behavior!

A Link to This Book:  
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The Zach Rules Series: Zach Apologizes & Zach Gets Frustrated

Author: William Mulcahy
Illustrator: Darren McKee
Interest Level: Ages 5-8 
Publisher: Free Spirit Publishing (lots of great resources on their website)

A family counselor and psychotherapist teaches kids how to tame their frustration and how to deliver a proper apology in the first two books of the newly released Zach Rules series.

Zach Apologizes
From the Publisher: In Zach Apologizes, when Zach shoves his little brother to the floor, he knows he did something wrong. Even so, it's hard to apologize - especially when he feels Alex kind of deserved it! With his mom's help, Zach learns the "four-square" apology: (1) say what you did; (2) say how it made the other person feel; (3) say what you could have done instead; and (4) make it up to the person.

Why It's On My Bookshelf: Coaching students when it comes to an apology is so important. Otherwise we'd probably just hear a lot of quick "I'm sorry's." We know that kind of apology does more harm than it does good. Reading Zach Apologizes reopened my eyes to how absolutely critical it is to help kids go deeper when they are making amends. Author William Mulcahy introduces kids to the "four-square" apology. This approach helps kids to be remorseful and have empathy about their actions. 


Kids are very visual so this is really going to stick with them. Cannot wait to teach this to the students and staff! Plus the kids play four-square out at recess so their ears will REALLY perk up.

Make sure to read the WONDERFUL advice in the back of the book for adults. There are some great tips on how to guide children through the four squares. Download a printable copy of the four-square apology HERE.

Zach Gets Frustrated
From the Publisher: In Zach Gets Frustrated, Zach is having a lousy day at the beach. Zach kicks sand, yells angry words, and asks his dad if they can just go home. Instead, his dad teaches him the "frustration triangle" - a simple, three-step approach to get a handle on frustration: (1) name it; (2) tame it; and (3) reframe it. Each book concludes with a short note to adults to help parents, teachers, counselors, and other grown-ups reinforce the book's messages and practice the skills with their kids. 

Why It's On My Bookshelf: This is SUCH a helpful resource to the students in my school. So many kids don't know what to do with their frustration and often times this leads to a negative behavior choice. Zach Gets Frustrated teaches children frustration doesn't need to ruin their day and it can even be channeled into something positive if they take the time to understand it. The frustration triangle technique is a new discovery for me and it's going to definitely have an impact.

The Frustration Triangle
Name it!
Tame it!
Reframe it!

Download a printable copy of the frustration triangle HERE

I CANNOT RECOMMEND THIS SERIES ENOUGH! IT'S AWESOME!!!!!

A Link to These Books: 

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Book Review: Steps and Stones: An Anh's Anger Story

Author: Gail Silver
Illustrated by Christiane Kromer
Interest Level: Ages 4-9

From the Book Jacket: Anh looked at his Anger. He hadn't seen him for awhile. "Why were you wearing all that stuff?" Anh asked. "I almost didn't recognize you." "I was trying to be inconspicuous," Anger whispered. "I'm not sure if I'm allowed at school."

When Anh's friends go off to play without him, he feels all alone. Then his anger shows up and suggests taking revenge. Instead, Anh discovers walking meditation and finds a path toward accepting his emotions and developing new friendships. 

Steps and Stones can help children learn to understand the causes of their own strong emotions. With humor and compassion, it teaches children and adults how walking meditation can be a tool to calm anger and resolve conflict. 

Why It's On My Bookshelf: My lessons on keeping your cool in school just got a whole lot better. This is the sequel to Anh's Anger and it is an ESSENTIAL resource. Kids are managing their emotions all day long. But for certain kids, they have to work extra hard at managing their feelings of anger. As a school counselor, I rely on books like this to help teach calming down techniques kids will actually use.

Steps and Stones focuses on teaching children to cool off through breathing, counting and walking. Ahn's anger walks slowly with him as they do this exercise together. Slowly Ahn is able to work through the feeling and regain his balance. At my school, we teach kids to take a break when they are about to lose their cool. But just exactly what should they be doing during this break? Breathing, counting, and taking a walk should be a part of this routine. In fact, kids can even read this story when they are trying to get rid of anger.

I am thrilled to share such a healing book with our students, especially those who are stuck in constant anger. Parents, teachers, and counselors will appreciate having this on their shelf when they need to teach or reteach this important skill.

A Link to This Book and Others You Might Find Helpful: 
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Lively Elizabeth! What Happens When You Push

Author: Mara Bergman
Illustrator: Cassia Thomas
Interest Level: Ages 4-7

From the Book Jacket: Lively Elizabeth lives up to her name - in fact, she's a little bit of a handful! She doesn't mean to hurt anyone, but one day at school she finds out that one little push can lead to BIG problems!


Why It's On My Bookshelf: Let me set the scene for you: It's recess. Children are playing joyfully. The recess bell rings. The students run towards their line and all of a sudden the joy is GONE. There are some kids crying, some on the ground holding scraped knees, others arguing and pointing at each other, and then I get to come over and sort it all out. 



Now granted this does not happen all of the time because we work really hard on having students line up safely - but these are kids - they are not perfect. My saving grace is always a social skills book. I've found a new one, Lively Elizabeth! What Happens When You Push, to help teach self-control and reinforce being safe in school.


Little Miss Lively Elizabeth is not in the same scenario at recess but she does decide to push another boy in class. Which causes a whole domino effect of kids falling into one another. Great illustrations showing cause and effect. 








She experiences the social consequences of kids being upset with her but is forgiven after making an apology for her behavior. Loved the making amends part. Although I've been reading it this Spring, I plan on re-reading it at the beginning of the school year next Fall. It's such a great addition to my library. I'm hoping it will help decrease my "Lord help me" moments at recess.


A Link to This Book:

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Book Review: The Sandbox: A Book About Fairness

Author: Don Rowe
Illustrator: Tim Archbold
Interest Level: Ages 4-7

About This Book: Johnny is friends with Tim at school and friends with Kylie at home. When Mrs. Smith asks Tim and Johnny to let Kylie join the game they are playing in the sandbox, they do not want to include her. "It's not fair!" they all say. Mrs. Smith agrees. A helpful teacher/parent guide is provided to ask insightful questions that will stimulate conversation and encourage problem solving skills.

Why It's On My Bookshelf: Have you ever given kids/students directions on how you would like them to play together? And then you look over and they are completely arguing and it's an all out war?!? This is a great opportunity to use stories that build community. The Sandbox is the perfect read for increasing peace and decreasing conflict. All kinds of learning lessons in this one. I totally dig the ending because it does not end on a super happy note. It ends with the kids experiencing the consequences and the teacher feeling frustrated. And here's why I love that - because it allows the students to sort out what went wrong and why nothing went right for the kids in the story. (and don't get me wrong....I love a happy ending but I need books that allow us to do some community thinking) So how can we avoid and prevent problems during playtime? Oh yes, get your behavior T-Charts ready. What should play look, feel, and sound like? Music to my ears! Trying to create a positive learning community can be difficult when you don't have the right resources and tools. Behavior can be really frustrating, add this one to your classroom management library if you are tired of being reactive and ready to be more proactive.

Find this book at Picture Window Books.
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Book Review: Sorry!

Author: Trudy Ludwig
Illustrated by Maurie J Manning
Interest Level: Ages 7-11


From the Book Jacket: Jack's friend, Charlie, knows how to get away with just about everything: “If you get caught, just say you're sorry.” But does an apology count if you don't really mean it? And what happens when the person you've hurt knows you don't mean it? Jack's about to find out there's a whole lot more to a real apology than a simple “sorry!”

Trudy Ludwig's book captures the importance of making a sincere apology and models for children how to take ownership of hurtful behavior and make amends.

The Book Includes:
  • An afterword by renowned apology expert Dr. Aaron Lazare
  • A note from the author
  • Discussion questions
  • Dos and Don'ts of apologizing
Why It's On My Bookshelf:  This book is about learning to take ownership of one's actions and apologizing the right way, but also about trying to fit in. Kids are looking for acceptance and belonging. Sometimes they are willing to give up their values just to have a friend.  

Before I met Charlie, I was a nobody. 
Then I was a somebody. I was Charlie's friend.

Of course, Sorry! is a total hit with my students, all of Trudy's books are. I like the emotional response the student's have towards Charlie (the instigator). They get seriously irritated with his lack of remorse and empathy towards others. We discuss how Charlie's apologies feel like another put down. So I use their feelings as an opportunity to talk about how an apology is a 'gift' that you give someone. Modeling the 'gift' of an apology is SO very important. Just like math, reading, and writing - kids need to practice social skills as well. 

Introducing the concept of a follower gets a lot of light bulbs going off during discussion.  Sometimes I worry that too many kids are followers. And they are following the wrong peers. Jack wants a friend so badly. But at what personal cost?  As the story progresses, it is obvious that Jack does not agree with Charlie's behavior. Spend time talking about apologies when using this book, but also spend time talking about choosing friends. I hope you add Sorry! to your bookshelf soon.

Find more of Trudy's books at her website.


A Link to This Book and Others You Might Find Helpful:
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