Books That Heal Kids: relational aggression

Showing posts with label relational aggression. Show all posts
Showing posts with label relational aggression. Show all posts

Book Review: Willow Finds a Way


















Author: Lana Button
Illustrator: Tania Howells
Interest Level: Ages 4 and Up

From the Book Jacket: In Willow's class, Kristabelle was the boss. Willow wants to go to Kristabelle's fantastic birthday party. So even though she'd rather not, Willow sits at Kristabelle's table for snack, claps for her tricks on the climber, and wears pink, Kristabelle's favorite color. But when her bossy classmate un-invites some children from her party, Willow finds a way - a quiet but sure Willow way - to say "no."

Why It's On My Bookshelf: Dear Bossy Kids: watch out!! Because this book empowers kids to stand up to unkindness. Willow Finds a Way starts out with a birthday party where everyone is included. Sounds great! However, when kids don't do everything Kristabelle says - exclusiveness enters the scene. She immediately starts crossing kids names off of her public birthday list. Very hurtful. But no one wants to stand up to her mean ways. The author uses lines like: You're not my friend anymore. These words really sting. And I have heard that phrase (emotional weapon) used by kids.

Willow overcomes her fears of standing up to Kristabelle and decides to cross her own name off the birthday list. Soon all the kids follow suit and do the same. The consequences of social isolation cause Kristabelle to reconsider her ways and she apologizes by tearing up the list and making things right. Children struggling with a bossy friend will not only relate to this story but be able to find a way to assert themselves in a manner that makes them feel safe and not controlled by mean behavior.

Read my Willow's Whispers review here .

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Book Review: Each Kindness

Author: Jacqueline Woodson
Illustrator: E.B. Lewis
Interest Level: Grades 1-5

From the Book Jacket: Chloe doesn't really know why she turns away from the new girl, Maya, when Maya tries to befriend her. And every time Maya asks if she can play with Chloe and the other girls, the answer is always no. So Maya ends up playing alone. And then one day she's gone. 

When Chloe's teacher gives a lesson about how even small acts of kindness can change the world, Chloe is stung by the opportunity that's been lost. How much better could it have been if she'd just shown Maya a little kindness and opened her heart to friendship?

Why It's On My Bookshelf: This is going to be one of the most important books I read to students this year. It will definitely be one of my favorites. It came in the mail this morning and I just had to blog about it today because it is a MUST for your bookshelf.

This is a powerful story PACKED FULL of life lessons. A new student Maya is treated horribly by her classmates. She tries making friends with the other students but is rejected and becomes a target because of her economic status. Students will feel sadness as you read this story - because they will be filled with an overwhelming empathy for Maya. In the end, we never know the full damage that may have been caused to Maya because she moves. We can surely guess though. However, it's Chloe who teaches us the lesson. She had shunned Maya but is filled with guilt, remorse, and emotional pain as she becomes aware of her own hurtful behavior. She is never able to make amends. I cannot wait for the discussion this will create. If we can teach our children to live their lives in complete kindness - hopefully they will not have to learn this lesson the hard way.

What an AMAZING teaching tool!

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Chrissa Stands Strong Movie

About the Movie
Chrissa Maxwell and her family have just moved to snowy Minnesota, and Chrissa has to start at a new school mid-year. Will she fit in? Can she find new friends?

On her very first day, Chrissa is seated with three girls who greet her with teasing and tricks. The "Mean Bees" really know how to sting—they bully Chrissa and the other kids in class, on the bus, online, and even at swim club. Chrissa can’t seem to make any new friends—not even with the girl who seems to need a friend the most. When the biggest bully becomes Chrissa’s swimming rival, the taunting finally goes too far.

Can Chrissa find a way to stand strong and stop the bullying?

Movie Trailer


I absolutely love this movie and have been showing it the past couple of years to students. If you are a parent, teacher, or counselor I really encourage you to watch this movie with your kids. There are so many great lessons in it about bullying.

There are also great curriculum materials that go with the movie for parents and teachers to use as a guide. Oh, and it's FREE. Double score on that one!

PS. This is not a movie for JUST girls. The boys in my school loved this movie just as much and were not scared away because it is from American Girl. They don't even notice that. In fact, I had a few boys come up to me in the hallway and excitedly ask, "When are we going to finish the Chrissa movie?"


A Link to This Movie:
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Book Review: The Secret That Olivia Told Me

Author: N. Joy
Illustrations by Nancy Devard
Interest Level: Ages 7-12


About This Book: Can you keep a secret? Olivia has a secret - a BIG secret. It's a secret that she tells only to her very best friend. And her friend promises she won't say a word. But the secret is really BIG and really Juicy. What happens when a trusted friend slips and the secret gets out?


Why It's On My Bookshelf: I have loved using this book for the past few years. AND I still LOVE it. In 4th grade, I notice the start of a huge surge of gossip and rumors. Sometimes it turns really mean. I start reading The Secret That Olivia Told Me in 2nd grade. Teaching kids about this behavior is a great preventative measure. Kids love the illustrations and the metaphor of the balloon. This is a useful tool so do not hesitate even for a second about whether you should put this book on your shelf.  

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Book Review: Our Friendship Rules

Author: Peggy Moss and Dee Dee Tardif
Illustrated by Alissa Imre Geis
Interest Level: Ages 7-10


About This Book: Alexandra and Jenny have been best friends for a long time. But when Alexandra is momentarily dazzled by the glamour of a new girl at school, she's willing to do almost anything to get to be the cool girl's friend. Ultimately, she tells Jenny's biggest, most important secret and just like that, Alexandra is in! But when Alexandra realizes what it feels like to lose her best friend, and sees the hurt she's caused, she knows she has make things right.

Why It's On My Bookshelf: Just read the reviews:

"This is a book any girl can relate to, not just because a friendship breaks apart, but because the girls figure out a way to stay together. It's a great model for what should happen in real life."
—Maya Brown, age 12

"We all make mistakes. We become better people when we learn from them. I love this story because Peggy Moss and Dee Dee Tardif reject one-dimensional "mean girls." Instead they offer us a real girl who does something she regrets, who recognizes the sadness, loss, and hurt she inflicts, and who is granted a great gift—the joy of knowing a friend's forgiveness. This should be a lesson to us all."

—Lyn Mikel Brown, co-author of Packaging Girlhood: Rescuing Our Daughters from Marketers' Schemes, author of Girlfighting: Betrayal and Rejection Among Girls, and Maya's mom

Friendships require maintenance. This book empowers students to create rules and limitations within their friendships. Our Friendship Rules has served as a guide for my students. Kids create their own list of friendship rules after we read the book. Ask your child or student, what should you do when someone breaks a friendship rule? What should the mending of a hurt look like? How does forgiveness play a part in friendships? And most importantly - how can we prevent hurts from ever happening? There is a lot of friendship drama going on in schools everyday. Which equals hurt feelings, exclusion, and unhappiness. Put this helpful read on your shelf to promote kindness and encourage healthy relationships.  

Check out the author's website Say Something Now.

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Book Review: Trouble Talk

Author: Trudy Ludwig
illustrated by Mikela Prevost
Interest Level: Ages 8-10

About This Book: When Bailey comes to Hoover Elementary, Maya is picked to be her Welcome Buddy. At first, Maya likes having a new, lively friend, but at a sleepover, Bailey is cruel to another girl. Later, she overhears a conversation on the playground and broadcasts confidential information. Finally, after listening to Maya's parents fight, she spreads the rumor that they're getting a divorce, causing Maya to seek the school counselor's help. Ms. Bloom defines Bailey's actions as "trouble talk…. Spreading rumors, saying hurtful things, and sharing information that isn't hers to share are examples of the kind of talk that leads to nothing but trouble." She gives Maya tips on how to not get involved and to choose instead "kids who make you feel safe." As the story ends, Bailey works to remedy her conduct. Given the prevalence of these behaviors, young readers will readily identify with Maya's dilemma and appreciate the straightforward text. Colorful and expressive mixed-media art depicts a refreshing and realistic multicultural schoolyard. A foreword, geared toward adults, gives insight into this type of bullying, discussing the need to connect with others in constructive rather than destructive ways. Appended are an author's note with further tips for addressing the problem, discussion questions, and additional resources.

Why It's On My Bookshelf: Gossiping and relational aggression becomes even more prominent throughout the upper elementary school years. I felt like I hit the girl bully book lottery when I found this Trudy Ludwig gem.  I love that Trudy uses phrases like 'trouble talk' and 'friendship-tug-of-war.' I have explored those phrases with students and there is serious meaning behind them. Spend time discussing the consequences of the behavior displayed during the story. The girl who causes all of the 'trouble talk' has to deal with those consequences, possibly not having any friends. I can tell the students relate to what's going on in the book and it empowers them to avoid Trouble Talk behavior. Get it on your shelf immediately!










 A Link to This Book and Others You Might Find Helpful:
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Book Review: My Secret Bully

Author: Trudy Ludwig
illustrated by Abigail Marble
Interest Level: Ages 5-11


About This Book: A touching, inspirational story targeted for 5 to 11 year olds, My Secret Bully instantly draws young readers into Monica's world where she is bullied by a friend and learns how to cope and thrive. Relational aggression is an act of emotional bullying hidden among tightly knit networks of friends. Instead of using knives and fists to bully others, emotional bullies employ relationships, words, and gestures as their weapons of attack. Emotional bullying is often dismissed as a normal rite of passage, but research shows it is as harmful as physical aggression, with devastating, long-term effects.

Name-calling, humiliation, exclusion, and manipulation are some bullying tactics Monica's friend Katie employs. Monica learns to face her fears of betrayal and social isolation and reclaims her power from the bully with the help of a supportive adult - her mother. Included in this wonderful resource for children, parents, teachers, and counselors are helpful tips, discussion questions, and additional information.

Why It's On My Bookshelf: Every school counselor, teacher, and parent needs to read My Secret Bully to their child or student. I have a HOOKED audience when I read this book because a lot of kids can relate to the story. There is a lot of bullying (relational aggression) going on in friendships. Sadly, kids think it's normal in friendships to give each other the silent treatment, to be nice one day and mean the next, or be in an all out war against another child. What they learn through the story, is it may be time to re-examine their current friendships. They may also need to re-examine their own behavior. Is this going on in their friendships? And if yes, how do they stop it?  I constantly have kids come to my office asking if they can borrow My Secret Bully  because they'd like to share it with their parent. This has been a helpful resource to end sneaky quiet bullying. Most importantly, it encourages our youth to not keep hurtful behavior a secret.

A Link to This Book and Others You Might Find Helpful:
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Book Review: My Best Friend

Author: Mary Ann Rodman
Illustrator: E.B. Lewis
Interest Level: Ages 4-9

From the Book Jacket: It's summer, and Lily spends lots of time at the community pool, where she sees Tamika. Lily decides that Tamika will be her new best friend. But Tamika already has a best friend, and no matter how hard Lily tries - from wearing a new bathing suit to perfecting her pool dive - she can't seem to impress Tamika. Lily just doesn't understand. Without Tamika, who will be Lily's best friend? 

Why It's On My Bookshelf: I am always on the prowl for really good friendship books. This is one of those REALLY GOOD FRIENDSHIP BOOKS! Get it! There is definitely an element of bullying in My Best Friend. But I think the bigger discussion point is guiding our children towards making good friendship choices. Encourage kids to find friends that will treat them the way they want to be treated. I also introduce the term "good-fit" friend while I'm reading the story. Lily keeps trying to become friends with older girl Tamika. But she is treated quite horribly by her. Yet, she still pursues a friendship. I ask the kids, "This is not a good-fit friend. Why?" Eventually, Lily realizes who she needs to choose...Keesha - the true friend. You will not be disappointed in this book.

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